Saturday, September 19, 2015

Found this beautiful picture on face book and just wanted to share giving credit to
Cindy Butler







Monday, September 7, 2015

More to deal with!

These few situation I found on a page for Grief support describe me to a T. And wanted to share this wonderful site with you, you can get so much information off of this site and you will soon discover. There is nothing wrong with you this is only natural due to what you have just gone through. But always remember you are not alone. Others have gone down your path and more will follow. This is something we can not control. My husband passed away on November 3, 2011 and till this day I still suffer his loss. My life has changed in so many ways. And yes I am still angry but have learned to control it and even hide it.

        1. Coping with persistent unpleasant memories
2. Avoiding certain rooms or situations in the house
3. Experiencing hallucinations where the dead spouse is seen or heard
4. Dealing with their spouse’s personal effects (clothes, tools, etc.)
                                                 
I had many nights and days I would see the whole tragic scene happening over and over again. Seeing every last details of that night and I had no power to stop it. For three years I would not open the front of my house cause I kept thinking I was letting life back in and wasn't ready for it. I never used the living room for those years because we spent so much happy times there and just couldn't get myself to spend time in there. I wouldn't turn on my radio in my car because that was the first thing he did when we got in the car and some unknown power kept me from turning it on. So I did all my driving in silence. My family and friends noticed my actions but rarely said anything about it until one day my daughter brought it to my attention a few years later and after explaining to her, she understood and said no more. That night when things were beginning to unfold I was asleep and my husband woke me up by pushing on my shoulders he was asking for help. Little did I know a few hours from that time he would be gone. Then a few weeks after he was gone I was sleeping and awoke feeling that same push on my shoulder, woke up screaming his name, but he was not there. I laid there and cried until I could cry no more. It took me three and half years to do something with his personal belongings. I donated all his clothing to the  Purple Heart foundation. Hoping to help someone in need. And I'm sure I did for he had many new clothing he didn't get a chance to wear after buying them. Then I found Signs Of Angels  (A Wonderful Site) which helped me even more then I can ever say. Hope this helps you with what you are feeling and hope you can find peace.....But remember learning to let go does not take away the love you have for that special someone...but it is a hard road to travel, takes time and patience and lots of understanding. Till next time.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

The 5 Stages of Grief

Have you been through this, have these stages made a change in your life. What have they done to you, let's share
  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

Baby Steps - My Way Of Coping!

I know there are a lot of support groups out there to help but at the time I was so very angry, I didn't want to speak to anyone. I was totally so mad at life and the hand it dealt to me. I was angry at God for taking him away from me just when we were so happy. I was mad at family members and friends because they all still had someone very special in their lives. I didn't want to be around people so my next step was to lock myself inside of my house keeping all windows and doors closed so no one could see in and I couldn't see out. My way of coping. Stepping out to get the mail, I would peek out and make sure no neighbors was out before I went to get the mail, afterwards running back in and closing doors behind me. Going to the store for shopping needs was another task I found very hard to do. And just as before I would check to make sure no one was around so I could go out without being noticed. At the stores I would be sure to keep my head down unable to look anyone in the eyes. Found myself staring at aged couples and thinking.....That should be me and Leroy...why God did you do this to me? Was the only thought going through my mind. Pulling up to my house I did with caution to be sure no on was out. Back in my home with everything closed up.....I scream at the top of my lungs......WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME HERE TO HURT LIKE THIS? With no one to hear me I cried until I could not shed another tear I would lay down in bed waiting for the night to end, waiting for the next day to end, just waiting for life to end to stop the pain I was feeling.

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